Tuesday, 11 January 2011

A Giant Snake Eats the Earth and Other 2012 Predictions

So apparently- and this is exclusive to the year 2011 - if you add your birthday to the age you are going to be this year it comes to either the number 111, or 2011. Observe:

91 + 20 = 111
1991 + 20 = 2011

Pretty nifty! Almost as nifty as the calculator I found lurking, completely unused on my desktop to figure out this little magic trick. Of course these are just my own personal digits, I welcome you to try it yourself and see if it really does apply universally or just to those born in the year of the sheep (rejoice!).

Now to me, this does seem a little weird, I was left mildly disconcerted at this being proven correct, but does it spell disaster? Of course we are all apparently fated to meet our doom next year. The ill fated 2012 which has spurred a Hollywood movie, curiosity and even panic on some peoples behalf. We as humans have been fascinated by our demise and how it's all going to end almost as much as we are fascinated by how it all begun in the first place. So to hush any speculation worthy of Perez Hilton, let's be boring for two seconds and look at the facts:

Why are we all going to face doomsday next year?

Well: First of all there is the infamous Mayan Calendar. The Mayan's were an extremely clever civilization for centuries old folks, and they based all of their theories upon the stars. Apparently their calendar accurately predicted centuries later occurrences such as the World Wars, the black hole in our galaxy, and the solar eclipse of 1999. All of which were dated to the exact year that they happened. Turns out they even predicted their own demise when they correctly jotted down the year that their civilization was over run by Spanish foreigners and destroyed. Their calendar took note of every future event, every detail: right up until 2012 when their calendar ends. This of course to people in the know means that the last prediction is that there is no life after 2012. To people like me and every other student out there who are in a different kind of know how, it means they probably just got lazy.

Second of all there is the wonderful Nostradamus. A soothsayer of his time he actually had a string of creepily correct predictions. Again down to the date that they would occur. In a nutshell he predicted the Great Fire of London with these wise words "the blood of the just will be demanded of London, burnt by the fire in the year 66".
He continued his soothsaying with this next statement: "From the enslaved people songs chants and demands. The princes and lords are held captive in prisons, in the future by such headless idiots"
Which of course correlates with the "off with their heads!" happy French Revolution. Later predictions even involved the death of Princess Diana in which he actually mentions her by name, Hurricane Katrina, and the 9/11 attacks on New York City. For 2011 he has predicted that a war will occur between that of the Christian world and the Arab world which will destroy many countries and of course 2012? A comet will hit the Earth, destroying everything that lives here. Here's to hoping he also just got lazy and bored of soothsaying.

Lastly we come to our own 21st Century theories which are based upon nothing quite so magical as a stone age calendar or a 16th century magician. Turns out that a couple hundred years back, the sun shot out some solar flares, which are scheduled to happen again in 2012. These solar flares fire so far and are so electrically charged that it would severely damage everything we depend upon, like air traffic control, emergency services (like hospital equipment), electricity, it would all be damaged beyond repair. When these flares happened centuries ago it didn't have an effect since the world hadn't invented the lightbulb yet, let alone the ipad, but if it was to happen today? It would throw us into a complete third world state as even our water supply is run by computers and electricity. Even if the world isn't blown to pieces by a comet, the theory goes that we would be forced to start from scratch again. Resorting back to a complete state of nature (yes Rousseau), with illness, famine-you get the gist.

So whether it's a religious war, a comet, a lack of electricity and whether it all adds up in your head or not. I most certainly am not taking any chances. I am celebrating Christmas as early as possible in 2012, just in case. And despite it all, at least we can be thankful of one thing definitely not happening...

Giant snake eating the Earth? Lets see you predict that Nostradamus.

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